Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
