Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
