'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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