Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
