Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
