Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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