I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
