I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
