sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize