my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
