Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
