I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
