I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
