i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
