I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
