wakey wakey hands off snakey
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize