I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
