3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize