If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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