dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
