Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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