NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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