From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
