The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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