Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
