Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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