i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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