One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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