So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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