that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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