he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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