I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
id be glad to
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
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