i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
