i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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