And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
