she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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