I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
