my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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