I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
