Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
