How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
