ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize