Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
