Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize