now i know why i became what i already was.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
