oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
