he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
