We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
