I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
