Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The adults are the big ones right?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
