I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
