So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
