No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize