why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
