Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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