do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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