i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
