You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
