i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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