you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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