sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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