You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
