the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
