just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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