i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
