Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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