so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
