Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
