I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
