My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
