talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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