I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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