I can text with my tongue
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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