Girls should come with a carfax report
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
