and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
