a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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