dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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