Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If I die, sorry about rent.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
