Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
