every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
