My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
