So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
