Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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