"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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