just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
