if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
