I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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