Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
