so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my being single is dangerous.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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