Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
