Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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