I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
