Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
