i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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