I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
