do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
