It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
