when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
