So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
birth control should be required to get into college
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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