Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
