there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
