ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
